The Long-Term Sociological Effects of Kim Kardashian’s Bottom.

First published in the Portsmouth News, Tuesday 4th February 2014.

The older my daughters become, the more I am concerned as to which role models they will be influenced by.

Much as I’d like to imagine them pinning up posters of Emmeline Pankhurst and reading Shakespeare for fun of a Friday evening, I concede that it seems unlikely.

However, it seems that if they are to be influenced by the media, then I can look forward to a future of my kids taking photos of their buttocks and posting them online. Not something I envisaged on the maternity ward.

I can’t open a magazine at the moment without being bombarded by Kim Kardashian’s copious buttocks, and her myriad identikit relatives. It’s like the Manson Family, only with less murderous intent and more eyelashes.

Quite why KK wishes to display a bottom that looks as though she has a small planet suspended to the base of her spine is complete anathema to me. I maintain that if one were to spot Kim parading about in the local pool, scratching her athlete’s foot, then one would pity the poor dear, and wonder what kind of strange deformity the gods of ass-thetics had chosen to smite her with.

But the proportion of KK’s backside isn’t the issue. The issue is why modern celebrities behave in this manner, and what our young will be learning from it. Twenty years ago the Internet was unthinkable to the average citizen. The evolution then of what is acceptable in society is a frightening thing; where will it stop?

Music videos wouldn’t make it on to Top of the Pops nowadays. Miley Cyrus is an example, swinging about, starkers on a wrecking ball, with her cervix hanging out of her pants.

Then of course we have the notorious twerking incident: Miley gyrating all over Robin Thicke, tongue lolling, and Thicke looking all sweaty and demented and out of puff behind her.

So, why the nudity? Miley isn’t half-clothed because she’s feeling a bit toasty. She’s not getting undressed in order to pop on her onesie and climb the wooden hill to Bedfordshire; she’s starkers to make money. And that’s her call, as long as our children aren’t subjected to it, or led to believe that you need to be naked to be successful.

I find solace now in the day my girls told me, in hushed tones of awe and reverence, that I had ‘the biggest bottom in the world’. It is proof that they have not yet clapped eyes on Ms Kardashian.

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